


Tired of Living Like This

by Emme2589



Series: Just Call And I'll Be There [16]
Category: Henry Stickmin Series (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Government Supported Private Investigator Ending | GSPI (Henry Stickmin), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, International Rescue Operative Ending | IRO (Henry Stickmin), Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Swearing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trust Issues, cute boys bein cute boys, you guys know the drill by now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28949721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emme2589/pseuds/Emme2589
Summary: The events leading up to and directly afterJust Call And I'll Be There.Henry struggles with his feelings for Charles, and he wonders if a new blossoming friendship will once again end in tragety.
Relationships: Charles Calvin/Henry Stickmin
Series: Just Call And I'll Be There [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2011435
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62





	Tired of Living Like This

Henry stared up at the ceiling as he set his book aside. Well, he read another book, and he was once again in that stage where you realize you're back in the real world. The story is over, and you feel a melancholy wash over you as you wish you could read that book for the first time again.

It had been about a week since the airship mission. The trees outside Henry's apartment bore gorgeous pink cherry blossoms that fluttered in the breeze, speckled among the dry grass that was slowly being revived by the encroaching warmth of the sun. It made something in his chest ache. Sure, he was no longer on the run, but that didn't mean he was happy.

His mind went back to the mission. Back to the steady voice in his ear. Charles was just...so nice to him. So patient. He never raised his voice or harshly scolded him for doing something dangerous, he stayed calm, and he scolded him in a way that was clearly more worried than angry. Once back in the helicopter, Charles beamed at him, and that blinding smile was burned into his mind.

He was just...so tired. Tired of being afraid. Tired of always looking over his shoulder, tired of never being able to sleep more than a couple hours at a time, tired of running from people. Abandoning people. _Hurting_ people.

He swallowed hard. He was just so tired of being uprooted. He wanted, no, _needed_ something to _ground_ him. He wanted adventure, but he now also wanted a place to call home.

And if he was going to climb out of this pit of despair, gaining this pardon was probably his only chance.

But...where could he start? And how?

Just as he was about to start coming up with a plan, there was a knock on the door.

That was certainly odd. He didn't know anyone who would knock, but he remembered that the general had his address, so figuring it was important, he got up to answer it.

"Hi, Henry."

Henry's heart leapt. It was Charles! The helicopter pilot!

 _Wait, why am I so happy to see him?_ Henry bit his lip as Charles waved his hand in greeting, _Am I really so desperate for real friendship that I've latched on to the first guy who showed me even a basic level of human decency?_

Maybe he had. Galeforce and Rupert had been cold and professional, but Charles' demeanor was warm. Still professional, but with a far less hostile feeling to him. He was clearly still guarded in a way, but he also radiated a clear trustworthiness. Every alarm bell went off in Henry's head. _It's a trick. Don't trust him. He's only trying to make you drop your guard. Don't fall for it. He's going to betray you._

Henry ignored it. He was tired of feeling that way. He just wanted out.

"Hey, so, uh, I'm sorry to appear so suddenly, but I don't have your number, and I wanted to check up on you. You know. Make sure you were okay after the mission last week. I haven't heard much from you, and the general had your address, so I hope you don't mind."

Henry swallowed, trying to figure out how to communicate his thoughts, when he spotted one of his empty notebooks in the corner. He gestured for Charles to come inside before heading towards it to grab it, fishing a pen out from his front pocket. Charles let the door close behind him.

Henry wrote, "I don't mind at all. I appreciate the gesture." a little formal, but he was still a bit wary.

Charles read the text quickly, "Okay. I'm just glad I'm not intruding. Um..."

He had a look around the house. The wallpaper was dull and peeling, mold clinging to the ceiling and sticking to the countertops and carpet. There were also chips and cracks in every surface, holes that let the rain in, and hardly a single personal belonging aside from the few notebooks, a beat-up old couch, a wooden table, and a cracked tv, just as thick as it was tall.

Henry averted his gaze. He knew what it looked like.

"You..." Charles kicked at the packed carpet, covered in dust bunnies, "...live like this?"

Henry wrote down, "I'm poor. I can't afford anything better."

"Oh...well..." Charles hummed to himself as he thought, "It's not ideal...hey, listen, the general's been thinking about having you back for more missions. These are jobs, so you'd get paid for them. If you've had a criminal record for so long, getting back into legal work will probably be tricky for you, so if we proposed a contract like that, would you consider it?"

Henry's eyes widened. This was it! This was his chance! A foot in the door of legal work doing what he loved anyway!? Hell yeah!

A slow, mischievous grin stretched across his face, and Charles didn't need a translation for that.

"I knew you'd be on board. Oh! We should trade numbers while we're here! I can get you into contact with some of our informants!"

Henry took out his phone to write Charles into his contacts. Charles sent him a simple text of a smiley face and a thumbs up emoji, and Henry sent the ok hand in response.

"Awesome. I'll let you know when it goes through! Oh, and feel free to contact me if you have any questions or whatever."

Henry cleared his throat, _"Um...th-thank you, uh...Mister Calvin..."_

Charles wrinkled his nose, "Yeesh, _please_ don't call me Mister Calvin. Just Charles is fine. No need to be so formal, m'kay?"

Henry nodded, _"R-right. Sure."_

"Okay! I'll see you later, then!" Charles stepped out, and just like that, Henry was alone.

He walked over to the door to watch through the peephole as Charles hit a button on his headphones and headed down the stairs. He already missed him. Never had Henry known someone so genuine. So welcoming and homey. So accommodating. So patient. So... _warm._ It was incredible how Henry's walls were already crumbling, and Charles must be able to see that, but Henry was also terrified. Charles could just be genuine, yes, but too many times, Henry had met someone who appeared so nice on the outside, only to be stabbed in the back later. However...those people were all criminals. They didn't answer to the law, only to their own internal sense of right and wrong, which wasn't always good, but Charles _did_ answer to the law. He had a bigger force watching his every move. Henry was familiar with the law since he'd been running from it for so long, so he knew that at the very least, if Charles wanted to betray him later, he was certainly doing a good job of hiding it.

Henry rolled up his sleeve. He had 8 tally marks on his forearm, drawn in marker; The number of days he'd stayed legal since his pardon. He was already doing better than he thought he would. He couldn't believe how much of a kleptomaniac he'd become from the almost 9 years that he'd been on the run. It was hard not to swipe something from someone whose fat hands were covered in dazzling rings; Someone who always had a roof over their head, who never had to worry about where their next meal was coming from where Henry did. He still went to bed hungry most days because work was scarce and nobody wanted to hire someone who had a criminal history and ten years missing on their resume.

He almost wanted to call Charles again just to hear his voice, but he held himself back.

 _You'll see him again._ he told himself, _He gave you his number. He wouldn't do that if he disliked you._

Still. It was difficult not to worry.

***

Henry spit into the sink, wiping his mouth off as he gave his reflection a dazzling smile. His first true mission had been a complete success, but he was close to fainting near the end, so Galeforce, and a new guard Henry recognized as Dave, insisted he eat something before sending him home, so he was already in a good mood from being actually full for the first time...ever. He almost felt sick from being stuffed, but he would take that any day over being hungry.

But then, he checked his bank account once he got home, and his payment had already been processed... _for nearly five hundred dollars!_ Sure, to most people, having 3 digits in your bank account probably sucked, but to Henry, it was like he'd received a miracle from God himself. It wasn't even a difficult mission! He could easily do it again! Heck, he almost forgot he would be paid for this, it was so easy! But it did take awhile, and he did almost faint near the end due to malnourishment, so the fact that he now had so much-!

Of course, the first thing he did was pay his rent in full. He'd stop the eviction notices if it killed him, so luckily, he could just pay everything now, even including the late fees. He still had plenty left over, so he paid his utilities, his phone bill, and even went grocery shopping. That was why he was now actually taking the time to brush his teeth, because he'd been out of toothpaste for a long time, and he was _dying_ to get this plaque out of his mouth before he was at risk for any cavities.

He ran his tongue over his teeth. All smooth. He hadn't felt so much like himself in a long time.

There was a knock at the door, so Henry called, "Coming!" as he lifted a towel to dab his face on it before heading off to the front door.

"Hey, Henry!"

"Charles!" Henry stepped aside, "Come in! Come in! Give me one second, okay? I have something in the kitchen."

Charles pushed his headphones onto his shoulders as he shut the door, "Hey, it looks nice in here."

"Thanks. I was able to fill in some of the cracks with plaster. If I don't move out, I think I'll sand off the rotten wallpaper and repaint. There's this nice blue color I've had my sights on at the store." Henry carried something in from the kitchen, "I was even able to vacuum."

"I can see that." Charles tilted his head, "Crackers and cheese?"

"It's not fancy, but it's great snack food." Henry set the platter on the table in front of the couch, "I'm wondering though...what made you wanna hang out today?"

"Hm? Oh, right. That." Charles shuffled his feet, "Well...I wanted to...spend some time with you. Not as the government helicopter pilot, but as Charles. This isn't anything professional. I just...wanted to be your friend...?"

Henry was stuck in place for a moment. Charles' expression was open and earnest, even more so than all their previous interactions. His cheeks were slightly colored, his smile a little shy, and Henry relaxed as his sweet demeanor calmed him.

"Is that okay?"

Henry realized he hadn't responded, "Oh, yeah. Of course it is. Come sit down. You can snack too if you want."

"Thanks." Charles kicked his shoes off at the door before sitting cross-legged on the couch, facing Henry on the other side, "So, uh...I actually have a question for you, and you'd better not tell the general about it!"

Henry could have felt sick at being asked to keep a secret from a relevant authority, but Charles looked and sounded so excited that he didn't even feel a whisper of fear on the back of his mind, "I won't tell him if you don't, but why does it need to be a secret?"

"Well...because...um..." Charles got stars in his eyes as he smiled wide, "I wanna know how you stole the diamond! I mean, I don't condone theft, of course I don't, but I was on the case that investigated where the diamond ended up, and it was the cleanest heist I've ever seen! We couldn't even track you down! I need to know how you did it!"

Henry stared for a long moment before he smiled wide, and he launched into the story. The first challenge was getting in without being seen. Teleporter to the roof, surprisingly smooth, then a penny to distract the guard. Charles laughed at that, and Henry's chest swelled at the sound of it. He was proud. He made it to the part with the drop wire and the hammer before he realized the room was spinning.

"Whoa!" Charles caught his shoulders before he could flop over, "You okay, Henry?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah..." he shook his head, but it only made him more dizzy, "Right. I haven't eaten anything today."

"Then you should eat! You have this platter right here, don't you?"

Oh yeah. He'd nearly forgotten.

So Henry took a few bites of cracker stacks with cheese between his continuation of the story.

"So then I jumped onto the wooden plank and it launched me onto the cart full of hay."

"And you didn't drop the diamond!?"

"No. Somehow, I kept ahold of it."

"Didn't anyone see you? Doesn't hay make noise?"

"Nobody saw me, no. There were people nearby, but they didn't notice the sound."

Charles kept prying every little detail out of Henry to the point where the story just kept pouring out of him. It was so swift and seamless, a perfect heist, aside from the guy Henry dropped the diamond onto, and Charles was _hooked._ Henry had never seen such an innocent curiosity into the inner workings of crime, like someone who was into murder mystery novels, and Henry was soaking up all the attention like a sponge.

Eventually, the platter was empty, and Charles' curiosity was finally satiated.

"Wow. That's so incredible, Henry." Charles leaned forward, "No wonder you're so good at all this! You're a pro, huh?"

Henry rubbed his fingernails on his shirt, and Charles chuckled.

"Man! I can't _wait_ to see what else you can do!" Charles bounced on the couch cushion, "Ah! Sorry! I just...I've never been friends with an ex-convict before! Sorry, I don't mean to, um...I-I know you're more than that, I just don't know what it's like! Uh, am I making any sense?"

"Yeah, don't worry, I get it." Henry stretched his legs out towards the floor, "Hey, maybe you can tell me stories about being a veteran helicopter pilot? I know I've never done work like that, so I have no idea what it's like."

Charles smiled with a force that brightened the whole room, and Henry couldn't help but smile with him.

 _I want to make you smile like that._ he thought, _I want to keep making you smile like that. Over and over again. I want to see you smile._

Henry's smile fell as the color returned to Charles' face. What was he thinking? Charles was a good friend, no, an _amazing_ friend, but what was this feeling in his chest? Why did it suddenly feel like the space was so suffocating?

Charles' smile fell too, "Henry? Are you okay?"

He looked so concerned. He cared?

_He cares? About me?_

No, he doesn't care. Of course he doesn't. Nobody cares about you.

Charles reached out, then hesitated for a moment. A long, stifling moment. Henry watched it hover in midair, then it slowly descended until it touched his wrist. The gentle touch sent fire up his spine.

"Hen? Hey, talk to me. What's going on?"

Henry was distracted by the touch. It wasn't like the high fives and back slaps he'd gotten from fellow criminals. No, this touch was soft. It lingered. It brought warmth to his skin even as he prickled with goosebumps.

His smile returned, "Yeah, I'm fine. Think you can stay a little longer?"

Charles retreated, and the fire dimmed, "Sure! I need to be back on base in an hour, but I can stay a few more minutes at least!"

***

Henry watched the sun set over the tents and tree tops. The taste of maple syrup still lingered in his mouth, as well as the phantom feeling of another tongue against his own. It made him woozy.

Why did he do that? He made Charles uncomfortable, and he easily could have gotten his feelings hurt or worse by confessing in front of the whole fleet. Whenever Henry was away from Charles, the thought of him made him anxious and dizzy, but when Charles was actually with him, those anxieties calmed and he could think clearly again.

"Hey, Henry." Charles sat down beside him, "Lips, please?"

Henry smiled shyly as he leaned in, reaching up to hold Charles' face in one hand. He became woozy again, but not in a bad way. He was just so calm that the day was catching up with him, and Charles made him feel safe.

"So, um..." Charles giggled giddily, "Ah, sorry. This is exciting. I really like you, Henry. Mm, my heart is going crazy right now."

Henry nuzzled into him, taking his hand between them, "In a good way?"

"Yeah." Charles shifted in the dirt, his eyes closing, "Oh my gosh, I...I didn't even realize I liked you so much. I don't know why, I mean, I knew I liked you platonically, but I didn't think there was anything more, but then, I...you did that, and I kissed you, and it felt so good..."

Charles hid his face in both hands, and Henry wrapped both arms around him, "I know. It's crazy, isn't it? I don't really remember when it happened. When you started making me feel this way. I just remember being so happy when I was able to make you smile."

"You like making me smile!?" Charles' chest heaved, "Oh my gosh, Hen! That's so sweet!"

"I love your smile. I love your laugh. I think it's all wonderful." Henry pulled back to look at him, "When did you start calling me Hen?"

"Is it fine if I call you that?" Charles' face was still flushed red, but his smile now was a little less shy, "It's one syllable, it's easy to say, it's just a quick little nickname. Do you like it?"

He wouldn't really, if anyone else called him that, but hearing it from Charles was endearing. It made his heart soar.

"I do like it." Henry huddled into his side, "But don't tell anyone. I only like it because it's coming from you."

"Ooh. I get special nickname privileges."

Henry laughed, "Shut up."

"It's true, though."

Henry rested his head on Charles' shoulder as he watched the brightest stars pop into view. He inhaled the scent that clung to Charles' jacket, one of jet fuel and something akin to hay from hours of working in the hot sun.

_"When did you know?"_

Charles held him closer, "Huh? Sorry, I didn't quite hear you."

"I said when did you know?" Henry asked louder, "When did you realize you liked me like that?"

Charles laughed a little nervously, "Oh, uh...I...I didn't know until the moment before I kissed you."

Henry jumped up so he could see Charles' flushed reaction, "Deadass?"

"Mhm." Charles nodded, "Um...I guess I just didn't think about it? I knew I felt something around you, and maybe I was slightly aware of possible deeper feelings, but it didn't really click until you did that. I uh...I don't know if you knew this about me, but I fall in love really easily, so I kinda got used to the feeling?"

Henry's thumb traced his jawline, "Aw, Charles..."

"I know, it's kinda dumb."

"No! It's cute!"

Charles bit his lip, "Maybe, but I can't believe I was so oblivious. It was like I was hiding it on purpose! Maybe I was just afraid you would reject me..."

Henry touched his nose with his pointer finger, "So you just rejected the feelings first? Pulled an uno reverse card on your own brain?"

"Oh my god! Shut up, you idiot!"

"Hahaha!"

Charles held Henry's hand until the sleeve rode up a bit, and he happened to glance down at it, "Huh?"

Beneath Henry's sleeve was a line of barely-healed scars.

His face drained of color.

"What?" Henry followed his line of sight, "Oh...m-my scars...?"

 _"Did you...are they...?"_ Charles said softly, _"How long ago? God, I'm so sorry..."_

Henry felt dread drop into his stomach like lead.

_This isn't normal._

Of course it wasn't normal. Hurting yourself wasn't normal. Leaving scars all over your arms wasn't normal. Cutting wasn't normal. He was just so used to it, so used to needing this outlet that he had completely forgotten that other people might not need an outlet like this. That there might be something wrong in his brain.

It was so obvious in hindsight.

Henry met Charles' eye, just barely mouthing around a quivering bottom lip, _Don't tell anyone._

"Of course I won't. I won't tell another soul, I promise. Just...are you okay?"

Henry just hugged him. He didn't answer.

"Are they..." Charles took a shaky breath, "...recent?"

 _"Please."_ Henry forced out, praying that his voice would just fucking cooperate with him for once, _"Don't ask me that. I don't want to talk about it."_

"Whoa, hey, I'm sorry. You don't have to talk about it. Just forget I asked, okay? It's alright. I'll just forget I saw them, okay?"

The worry and compassion that oozed from Charles' voice was palpable in the air. Henry buried his face in Charles' shoulder, trying to breathe. Trying to focus on the firm body beneath his hands, the strong arms around his own, holding him steady.

"I missed you." Henry mumbled into Charles' jacket, "I missed you so fucking much. I thought about you every day while I was at the complex. I thought I'd missed my chance to confess."

He remembered going to the gathering of soldiers that morning with his cunning master plan; Impress Charles with his pancake making skills. He thought having something to focus on like that would give him courage, and it worked. He couldn't believe how well it had worked. He got to kiss him, and he saw that smile again. Whether directed at others or at himself, he could not get enough of that smile. Just the knowledge that Charles was so happy, especially because of something he did, was enough to send his heart racing. He was overjoyed.

But now...well...

Now he'd made Charles _sad._

"It's alright, Henry." Charles gave him a gentle squeeze, "Hey, I'm not saying this for any particular reason, but I just want you to know that I'm here for you. Okay?"

Henry nodded, squeezing his eyes shut, _"I never realized how lonely I was on the run..."_

"You never have to be lonely again, Henry." Charles kissed his cheek, "Hey, the general's been meaning to talk to us as soon as we found you again. He should be back at camp by tomorrow. We'll hear the details then."

Henry just stayed in Charles' arms, content in the silent comfort, until the chill of night descended upon them and Charles helped him to his feet.

"Sorry, Hen. I didn't mean to freak out on you." Charles sighed, "You're okay? Just tell me if you're okay."

"Yeah, Charles. I'm fine." Henry replied automatically, "I'm fine."

It was a lie, he realized. That was plain as day. He _wasn't_ fine. As much as he hated to admit it, there was a storm raging inside him. A storm that didn't trust this new safety. A storm that made him want to hide from Charles. He had revealed something about himself that made Charles upset. He didn't want that. He never wanted to make Charles upset, even if it felt nice to be fussed over.

"Henry..." Charles spoke softly into his ear, rising goosebumps on his neck, "It's okay if you're not okay right now. I realize you've been through so much, and you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Just take it easy. One day at a time, yeah?"

Henry nodded, burrowing further into Charles' embrace.

"Good. Hush, now. It's going to be okay."

Charles held him like that a little longer before steering him towards his tent. It was getting cold out as the sun continued to dip below the horizon, casting the entire jungle in darkness.

Charles zipped up the tent, covering his mouth and nose with his shirt as he sprayed the door with mosquito repellent, _"These fucking bastards..."_

Henry snorted as he wrapped a blanket around himself, "Did you just curse?"

Charles winced, "I... _er_...did I?"

Henry grabbed the front of Charles' shirt to drag him into the tent, causing him to fall over him and gasp as his headset fell down around his shoulders and he threw his arms out to catch himself so Henry wasn't crushed. They were face-to-face once again, Charles still holding himself up on his arms, both braced on the ground on either side of Henry's hips.

Henry could feel his confidence returning as Charles' face turned beet-red, frozen above him as he tried to regain his bearings.

"You're really cute, Charles." Henry half-whispered, "You know that?"

Charles caught his breath, and he smiled, "So are you. You've got such big blue eyes and dark eyelashes..."

"You have soft cheeks and a perfect smile."

"You have soft lips."

Henry froze at that, his voice dying in his throat as his shyness was brought back to the surface, and he swallowed.

Charles kissed him, and he was grateful for the shift in atmosphere.

"Can I...um..." Henry buried his face in Charles' neck, _"Sleep next to you...?"_

Charles shifted to lift him up, and he unzipped the sleeping bag to tuck him inside it.

"Tell me if your bandages start to feel tight or sticky." Charles kissed his forehead as he zipped him up, "You warm enough?"

"Yes. Thank you." Henry snuck a kiss onto Charles' wrist, "Hey, Charles?"

"Mhm?" Charles climbed into his own sleeping bag.

"Even if our relationship doesn't end up working out..." Henry's fist latched on to Charles' jacket sleeve, "Will you still be my friend?"

"Aw! Of course, Henry!" Charles held his hand once situated in the sleeping bag, "You'll always have a place in my heart."

The words made Henry's bones turn to jelly. It was a good thing he was already lying down, or he may have fallen over from how thoroughly he'd melted.

"Now sleep, okay?" Charles closed his eyes as he relaxed into the sleeping bag, "G'night, Hen."

Henry settled in for a long night of tossing and turning, though from the warmth that seeped up from the arm that Charles held in his hand, Henry thought that maybe this particular night wouldn't be so bad.

He remembered the fire that shot up his wrist when Charles touched it, and he realized that it was the same thing. He just wasn't used to this level of attention and compassion.

_He's going to betray you._

The thought was weak, however. Charles had not abandoned him. He'd been kind to him, even when it was inconvenient, even when it required small sacrifices on his part. Henry had never seen a deception so thorough, but his anxiety was still trying to reject him.

_"He's going to..."_

No. He won't.

And so, with heavy eyelids, Henry smiled, _"Goodnight, Charles."_

***


End file.
